The New York Yankees have basically been confirmed as the 2017 World Series winners. With the New England Patriots winning the Superbowl, the Pittsburgh Penguins winning the Stanley Cup, and the Golden State Warriors winning the NBA Championship, it’s clear the the Yankees winning the World Series is inevitable to seal 2017 as the year of complete and utter domination by the Sports Brotherhood of Evil.
“Yeah, there’s just no way around it. The World Series is as good as their’s,” said Penguins Captain Sidney Crosby, “If we can repeat in hockey, where every game is basically a coin flip and there’s like a 90% chance every goal will get called off for some stupid reason, I think the Yankees can pull out one measly World Series.”
Brothers from all over the sports world have shared their excitement for the Original Evil Empire themselves. The Warriors’ Stephen Curry and the Cavaliers’ LeBron James reportedly sent the Yankees a gift basket full of pentagram-shaped chocolates, syringes filled with the finest human growth hormone, and a DVD copy of Adam Sandler’s Jack and Jill. According to the duo, it’s Brotherhood tradition.
While the Brotherhoods’ accomplishments this year are impressive, some feel that they still don’t get the recognition they truly deserve.
“It’s not as easy as you think,” said Patriots quarterback Tom Brady while lounging on a throne made of skeletons and deflated footballs, “The trick is to give everyone hope that maybe, just maybe, the good guys will pull through. Then you just score 25 points in the second half and crush their dreams like tiny little cockroaches in overtime. Isn’t that right Gilchrist?”
“Uh-huh, that’s right,” mumbled Gilchrist, Brady’s frail and ragged servant, whilst feeding his Master Patriots-colored grapes.
Sports fans across the country however, are bracing themselves for the rest of the year. Some have taken drastic measures, like only logging onto Reddit for one hour a day, avoiding their Yankee fan coworker a little more than usual, and going out on a week night once and a while.
“These are tough times ahead,” remarked casual sports fan Bryce Gonzalez, “I had to actually turn off the TV on my gym’s treadmill the other day, just so I didn’t have to be reminded that evil is prevailing this year. And I saw this guy in a Penguins jersey in 7/11 the other day, and he kind of had this smirk on his face a little bit. It really is a tough time.”
As for the Yankees, they couldn’t be more overjoyed about the win.
“It’s just a really exciting feeling,” said Yankees manager Joe Girardi, “It’s nice to see our Brothers of Evil blaze a trail for us to win it all this year. It just goes to show that sometimes, good things do happen to bad people.”